I must confess that I've spent the majority of my life wanting to get out of Siloam Springs, AR. I've always thought there's nothing here, it's boring, anywhere but here is wonderful....blah, blah, blah... My teenage years were spent counting down the days until I could pack my car and bid this town, "Adieu!" And I did. I had a short stay in Springfield, MO and a 6 year term in Northwest Florida. I've spent my adult years in Florida. One-third of the amount of time I spent in my hometown growing up, I spent in Florida. It amazes how quickly, in hindsight, that time flew by. There were many times while in Florida that I just wanted to come back to Arkansas. My family is here. My friends are/were here. However, there was never REALLY a time that I wanted to move back here and stay. Once I left my hometown, it became a mythical place of sorts. It was the place I spent my childhood. I have extremely fond memories of this place. When things weren't great in Florida, Arkansas seemed like a paradise. When Florida was hot and oppressive and Arkansas was filled with gold, orange, and red leaves, Arkansas was Utopia. I guess it's kind of a "grass is always greener" situation.
I moved home two and a half months ago so that Parker and I could be around family while Kevin is in Korea for a year. We're lucky enough to get to live in Germany when Kevin gets back, so I figured there was very little point in staying in Florida. I had come to hate Florida. I was extremely excited to move home (ya know, except that whole missing husband thing...). This is the place I grew up in! I had a great childhood. High school was fun. Church was a good place to be social. I have friends here. I thought everything was going to be amazing. I was kind of wrong. Everything has changed. All those friends I had, well, they have jobs and families. It's a weird situation I'm in because I'm kind of just passing through. I don't really belong here. Everyone has their routines and their schedules and their lives. Their Arkansas lives. I naively hadn't considered that I was coming to a totally different place as a totally different person. I see a couple of people regularly, and I don't begrudge those I don't see. Oh, and in hindsight, high school was not fun.
Now, this whole passing through and not belonging thing really kind of bothered me at first. I felt really lost and lonely. At times I still do. The thing is, though, with my abundance of free time, I've begun to experience my hometown. I am amazed that I grew up here for 18 years and there is so much I haven't explored. Now, things have improved a little since I was here, but still. I feel like I don't know my own town. Parker and I walk the amazing walking trail. We go look at ducks. We play at the park. I've had some delicious food in local restaurants. I'm actually enjoying Siloam! It's kind of amazing.
I know there will always be people who think Siloam is podunk and backwards and on and on. Guess what. It kind of is and I love it. I love that there is still a bit of innocence and joy. Sure, you can't get a decent piece of sushi to save your life around here and the nearest Target is 30 minutes away, but I wouldn't trade this little place for the world. It's good to have somewhere to come to get away from hustle and bustle and jaded, angry cynics. So, while I'm ready to venture out and see more of the world to have my own life again complete with a house and my husband, I'm going to enjoy my time in Siloam. I'm going to enjoy getting to be around my parents, my aunt and uncle, my grandma, and my cousins. I'm going to enjoy my quaint little town and what time I do get to spend with friends. I'm trying to see the green grass all around me and quit eyeballing the pasture next door!
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